did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
