dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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