Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
