Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
