I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
