Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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