I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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