are you still at the devil's house?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
