i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
