Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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