I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
