my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
