but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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