omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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