i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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