I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
