Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
