Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
His hands were made for my vagina.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
