I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
