I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
