Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
