I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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