Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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