I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
