guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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