I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
