He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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