I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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