you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
