i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
