i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
