So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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