____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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