Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
