The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
