I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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