Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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