apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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