Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
