I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
