Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
