Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
