Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
