Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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