Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
