I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
