mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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