It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
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i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
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You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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