whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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