walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
