just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
