ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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