Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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