I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
