This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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