If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Randomize
