Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
