it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I can text with my tongue
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
