I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
