The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Sacagawea was the original milf.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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