I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
