also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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