I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
