My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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