So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
