Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
