This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
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You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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