I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
