Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
