If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
